Celebrating School.

There were hearty celebrations that were held across the nation when the Pisa                 scores for learning showed us we were near the top

With increased invigoration “All ahead for education!” we would show the world                how smart we were, we’d never ever stop.

A curriculum to lift us out, a NAPLAN that would give us clout, “We’ll double up with            Parent Choice to set the world ablaze!”

But inequity has bitten, no more stories have been written, for the kids have had                enough of school, they simply disengage.

 

It was back in sixty two when, Bob Menzies with his henchmen, changed the rules              of national learning and began to privatise

With largesse he set asunder, and to every pundit’s wonder, made the cost of top             notch learning bring the water to your eyes.

For the ordinary parent, with two jobs for food and their rent, has no hope of                       choice of schooling for their precious learning kids

So they join the queue of losers, in the eyes of smarter users, and feel the most                 dejected, no one listening to their bids.

 

For they only asked for fairness, in this changing world of careless, laws to keep                 the wealthy richer, far far richer than before

But this Covid curse we suffer, has made it so much tougher, for the parents on                the lower deck and far out from the shore.

Though there’s plenty there for sharing, it’s the politicians caring, more for votes               and noisy lobbyists, religion in their sights.

So the Privates and the others, run by nuns and priests and brothers, still wonder               what’s the fuss about ‘cos “Everything’s alright.”

 

With our rush to privatising, done without us realising, that the wealth of our great              nation was passing from our grip

Every Tom and Dick and Harry, took whatever they could carry, and we even let                  them have a port so they could use their ships

So in deepest consternation, every worker in our nation, has been snookered by a              government whose interest we all know

Is to stay in power for longer, and to make the laws much stronger, for the benefit             of foreigners whose investment dollars flow.

 

But a nation’s education, is without exaggeration, its pathway to prosperity, a path           now filled with strife

As it’s standardising testing, push push push and never resting, that has caused               us this inequity, has wrecked so many lives.

For our Copycats and Stickybeaks, and Scallywags with two left feet, don’t fit the               learning model that ACARA’s given us

So technology will have its day, we’ll close our schools, “Hip Hip Hooray!” and say              at last to Dan the Man* “We’re getting off the bus.”

 

*Dan Tehan was the Federal Education Minister at the time of writing

​​

​

​

        The National Apple Curriculum

 

           I had a case of apples delivered just the other day,

          They were the National variety, the same in every way,

          Each with that Naplan stem, must hold it as we eat, 

         A shiny MySchool sticker, so computer for to read.

 

         And so I took a carful bite to taste the juicy fruit

         But then my throat went awfully dry, just like an old dried boot.

         I thought I must be dreaming for its promises were great,

        A National Curriculum, our kids’ and teachers’ fate.

 

        ACARA stamped across the box, “For Parent Choice” it read.

        “A great mistake,” I thought for sure, “Our kids have been misled.

        Where went the joy of eating and choosing foods we need?

        And chewing on the learning core, then spitting out the seeds?”

 

        Now thinking that I might be wrong, with tastebuds badly worn

       The case of National Apples was set up on my front lawn

       So kids who lived along the street might like to try a bite

       And tell me their opinions, and set my feelings right.

 

       A youngster from a Special School “The apple is too big!”

       A blazered lassie walking by “I couldn’t give a fig 

       For I care not just how it tastes, my dad has paid the fees

       To make each bite a winner, another apple please.”

 

        A lad who hardly goes to school would next an apple try.

        “It sort of hasn’t any taste, it even makes me cry

        To think that they grow apples now to make them all the same,

        That’s why I don’t do school no more, it’s such a silly game.”

 

        Another said “That’s easily the worst apple that I’ve tried,

        Looks nice and shiny on the skin but nasty bits inside 

        That sort of makes me want to belch to stop from heaving up,

        My mental health it threatens now, so no more will I sup.

 

        Two thoughtful iPhone clad young girls no part in it would take.

        “We don’t eat apples, not real ones, just Tik Tok stuff that’s fake

        For who could think that we would eat a National silly apple

        When on this screen is all we need, is all we need to grapple

 

        With all the problems we have to face and deal with every day

        So school is just a place we go to laugh and talk and play.”

       They wandered off still iPhoning, no chatter did I hear, 

        I left the apples for awhile, I had to have a beer!

 

         Recovered from that awful shock and all that kids had told

        Maybe the apples I was sent were really just too old.

        Maybe I should have asked for mixed, to fit the many sizings

        For kids we know just aren’t the same, for Pollies that’s surprising.

 

Barrington Lloyd-Jones esq 21/07/24